Is it worth it?

Been so bogged down by work for the past weeks that my eyes have veered off the focus of Project JK.

Now, the question posted to me in my heart, with a tinge of disappointment, is - IS IT WORTH IT?

Is all this work for the animals worth it? Is all this time, efforts, money spent on one animal after the other, worth it?

The things we have given up, most importantly our time with people who are precious to us. The worst is to let our personal relationships suffer in the name of animal welfare.

Is it all worth it?

What are we trying to achieve? And are we struggling in it, in ways not meant to be?

For me, my heart feels alive when I reach out to an animal in need. It feels effortless to speak on their behalf, to seek support on their behalf, to offer them a chance through the goodness of man's heart.

I thought I was called to do this. Cos I feel for the animals in need. I want to do what I can to give them a better life. I thought I could make a difference, and I hope I have, in the past few months.

But now, I question myself if there is danger in walking down this narrow path? The danger of a myopic vision in animals over people.

That had been my focal point many years back, the myopia of a priority of an animal over a human being. A vision that slowly kills my love for mankind in the face of senseless animal abuse and neglect. That hardens my heart and puts words in my mouth that devalue humanity.

I was angry at men. And their cruelty.

As I grow, wiser I hope, many signs point out to me my myopic view of life. Wisdom that I struggle with still cos my first reaction has been trained to bounced back to the animal. And fight the person. I find that I have no empathy for the human being BEHIND the animal.

When an animal is abused, I sensed the pain. It angers and grieves me. But I find that my heart was not capable of empathising with the human behind this act of abuse. I do not care a hoot what made him do it? I don't give a damn the psychological pathways leading to this eventual act.

But I am a fellow human being. How can I not care? When have I become so unfeeling of a fellow brother or sister?

How can I care only for an abused animal, however unwarranted it is, but not spare any thought to the person who committed that act? Can we say, in all honesty, the abuser feels NO pain deep within his heart?

Why have I shut myself to a fellow man? Why did I not try to understand WHY he did that cruel act? Did he inflict pain cos he himself is in pain?

It is not easy, I know that all too clearly, to try to understand the person behind an act of abuse. It is tough cos my heart pains for the innocent animal - and that pain is more obvious cos the abuse on the animal's body that I CAN SEE....that is more obvious than the pain in the abuser's heart that I CANNOT.

When a person hurts an animal, or even when an owner abandons his pet, can we try to comprehend what goes on in the mind of such a person? Perverted joy? Creepy sense of satisfaction? What about anger? Fear? Pain?? Sadness? What makes a human being, of intellect and emotions, imflict pain on a sentient being? What makes a person capable of abandoning his pet, knowing full well his pet would suffer the consequences?

These people are obviously NOT in a sane condition. Precisely cos they are unable to keep a control on their emotions. The emotions of fear, anger, pain, grief that overtake them and cause them to commit an erroneous act.

But these people, why do we find it so tough to empathise with them? To accept that they themselves are in pain? Cos we are angry at them, aren't we? Cos we know they have done something wrong, they deserved to be punished. We are judging them.

I always try to remind myself, please do not be so myopic, vacummed in my small bubble of a fight against unnecessary animal suffering. How many animals can I help - one by one - if all I do is REACT to an isolate case, and expend my energy to the point of exhaustion and neglect of loved ones?

I have been pondering lately. Just what are we driving at, where are we driving to? What I have been doing have not even touched the ROOT of the problem in animal welfare. I have been looking thru a pinhole and see only the animal, but missed the entire landscape of complex human needs that are crying out so loudly but I have been deaf cos I choose to hear only the cries of the animals in need.

So is it all worth it?

This sensing floats up cos I think I know, deep down, I have treaded down a very common path in animal welfare that in truth, does not help the animals in true reality. It is a misguided path of people fighting people. Of judgement and condemnation. It is winning isolated battles but losing the war.

How can we truly have a sustaining change in our world? I think it is only through touching the hearts of our fellow brothers and sisters.

The ROOT of the issue lies in the pain in the hearts of men. Resolution lies in eradicating this pain. I am not sure if I am courageous enough to walk that way, cos it seems to conflict with the pursuit of animal welfare, cos it seems to imply that forgiveness is better than judgement.

To forgive an animal abuser? To forgive an owner who abandons his pet? Not easy, I know. Works so against our gut reaction. Forgiveness doesn't make the act right. But forgiveness will touch a heart in pain, and give it the clarity to know what is right in future. For we cannot police over an offender for the rest of his life, but if we can change his heart, his actions remain right henceforth.

A line I heard: Save the people, and they will save the animals.

It is worth it only if we are helping our fellow human beings in the process.

I am still pondering.